I'll po YOUR lite! (algeh) wrote,
I'll po YOUR lite!

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last night I dreamt he loved me

I had another weird Sean dream last night. I dreamt that we were sitting on a couch, watching a movie or something, and he started holding me. Then he told me he loved me, which he never did when we were dating. I was so happy. In the dream, he wasn't happy in his current relationship and missed me terribly. I know that's not really the case, but in the dream I believed him. Anyway, 'twas a nice dream, even though I know it has no basis in reality. Part of me wants it to Mean Something, to be a sign that he thinks about me as much as I think about him. I know he doesn't, though. It's not his way. And I want him to be happy in his current relationship, because I want him to be happy regardless. He deserves to be in a good relationship. I just wanted so badly for the person he would be in it with to be me.

Boyfriend-Chris and I will have been together for nine months the 16th. I'm not really sure what to think of that. This is the longest relationship I've been in since high school. Part of me wants to date other people before I leave college, but I'm not ready to end this relationship, because I still care about Chris. I'm torn, because there's someone else at college that I'd really like to date, and it'll be my senior year in the fall. But I don't know if he even think about me that way, and I don't want to break up with Chris. And, of course, I'm still a wreck over Sean. Chris understands (although it, understandably, hurts him) but I don't think a lot of guys would. There's this part of my heart that will always belong to Sean, and I doubt I can put that aside. I want more years of college, so I can date Chris until we're sick of each other and still have time for the other person. (Who may, very well, not like me at all that way or have found someone new himself.) Baaaaaaah.

In other news, I took my car through the DEQ today and renewed the registration for another 2 years. Yay bureaucracy.

Oh, and Heather Alexander will be performing at the Rock Creek Tavern soon. I'm so excited! I've been wanting to hear her live for over a year. And I like going there anyway.

I wish so much that last night's dream were real...and yet, at the same time, it's for the best that it's not...

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