I'll po YOUR lite! (algeh) wrote,
I'll po YOUR lite!

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This day in (my personal) history

Two years ago today was the day that Sean and I broke up. It both seems longer and shorter ago, even though that doesn't make any sense. I'm still not over him, but I think I'm getting used to that. I still feel like I failed. I know that it doesn't really matter because I obviously didn't mean as much to him, but I still catch myself thinking that if I'd just sucked it up and found a place to live somehow we'd still be together. I tried, but it finally came to a point where I couldn't find a vacancy in any hotel where I wouldn't have feared for my safety, and the only place I found to rent for the summer was a room in a house with people with drug problems that I didn't want to get mixed up with. Part of me still feels guilty, though, because I keep thinking that if I'd really loved him I wouldn't have cared, because being with him would have been more important. I really don't know. In the end, I suppose I made the right decision, since he obviously didn't want to be with me that badly, since when I gave him an opportunity to break up gracefully he took it. (I said "I won't ask you to stay with me, since I'm going away" and he just thanked me. It wasn't the response I was hoping for, but at least we broke up in person, and amicably, rather than over the phone when he met someone new, which would have sucked.) It still hurts that I misread him so badly, I thought he cared more than that. I'm not angry with him, wasn't even angry then, just sad. Anyway, because I'm stupid like that, I made a special layout for today. I put it up early this morning, and I'll leave it up for tomorrow too, since that marks the anniversary of the day I spent driving all my crap back to Oregon again. At least we're still friends. Apart from the other feelings I've had for him at various points, he really is an interesting person who is fun to talk to and do things with. So it could be worse.

Today was also a Wednesday, so I had bowling. I forgot to go, so dad had to call me from the bowling alley. I barely got there in time. I beat my average the 2nd and 3rd games, although my first game sucked because I didn't have time to warm up and I was feeling rattled. This large group of annoying children came in about halfway through though. They kept shrieking. >.< I remember being in middle school and going bowling, and I know that we didn't used to shriek, because then we would have gotten a lecture on bowling etiquette. The adults along didn't seem to give a fat damn if these kids shrieked, though. It was very distracting. >.<

Also, it was my Grammy's 75th birthday, so (M|T)om, Grammy, Gramp-o Bob-o and I went out to dinner. I got Grammy a camera, but it didn't work so I'm going to go exchange it for a non-broken one tomorrow. Then I went back to my grandparent's apartment and played Sorry with Grammy, since it's her favorite game. She beat me twice.

I then went to my mother's house and dug out my old bike, since I want to start riding again. I have not, however, yet managed to unearth my adult-sized helmet (my youth helmet was hanging from the bike) so I can't ride it yet. Blah. While going through my old closet at my mom's house looking for it though, I found a nifty box that qousqous gave me a present in once. Originally it had a hat made by Bob, the high school custodian and a friend of ours, in it, but now it just had some candy at the bottom that I was saving (I had a crush on qousqous at the time, so I saved everything he gave me, even if it was supposed to be eaten). The nifty thing about the box is that it is covered in To: From: labels, each with a different name that we had signed this really long and silly email conversation with. (Things like "Bippo the Talking Mime" and "Mertle the Discretionary Antelope". There was also one i Cyrillic, since Chris and I used to transliterate stuff into it even though neither of us spoke Russian worth a damn.) That was fun to find again. The crush is long since over (thank goodness) but it was fun to find that old box. I'd forgotten about it. I'm sure I have those emails saved somewhere, too. I still need to find my bike helmet, though.

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