November 19th, 2002

knife, arr!, smack

How can I be so smart and yet so dumb?

Today he told us what the breakdown of scores was for the automata midterm. Median was 82, mean was 79.4 (mode was not disclosed, nor was high/low). I got a 92. So some part of me must be good at this computer thing, right? Right? RIGHT? I mean, I did well on a grad school midterm in some part of the damn thing, I must not be completely thick at it. So why the hell can't I figure out what is wrong with my own damn computer? It's been mildly broken since the beginning of November or so, and it is starting to piss me off. Also, I open way too many support requests, considering that I am a priv and should really know some of this crap by now. (Granted, I'm a gunk and embedding priv, and I'm opening cust requests, but still...) I am feeling more and more than I am good at computer science except for the part that involves an actual computer. Bah. I want to find a new field, but I have no idea which one.

I'm so sick of technology, mostly because every part of it is someone else's IP, so I'm always using something that can be limited or taken away from me at any time, and I'm inherently supporting a system that I don't really agree with. It scares me how much of our lives are spent interacting with other people's IP now. Everything I do for fun is copyrighted by a corporation. That's just wrong and I don't know what to do about it. I've been settling for using things like LiveJournal that are somewhat less evil than most, but I'm not sure that's enough any more. I want to run away and live in the wilderness, but I'm fat, out of shape and all the land is already owned by someone else anyway. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up anymore. I don't think the world really has places ready for people like me, and I don't think it wants there to be any.