I'll po YOUR lite! (algeh) wrote,
I'll po YOUR lite!
algeh

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Stomach vs Medical Science, round whatever

I got another letter from my doctor's office. My second round of bloodwork is back.

I'm not allergic to anything.

Well, anything they tested for at least, which includes soy, wheat, eggs, dairy, etc.

I haven't gotten a positive allergy test result since I was little, when I came back positive for a cat allergy.

Well fuck, I say. I guess my problems with soy are all in my head, and my tummy is just upset due to stress. I guess I can eat these cupcakes that dad bought for my birthday, and they shall be tasty indeed.

What follows is a short play for two actors, entitled "Tummy vs Cupcake":



SCENE 1: The dinner table

NEA is seated at the dinner table. NEA'S STOMACH is more-or-less quiet and grumbles bit every now and then.

NEA (thinking): Yum! I haven't had a processed, full-of-soy-and-gods-know-what cupcake in a while. They're not bad, although I'd prefer something with more chocolate and less sugar.

NEA'S STOMACH (quietly): gurgle gurgle


SCENE 2: The computer room, an hour or so later

The scene is begun with NEA using the computer and NEA'S STOMACH gurgling quietly in the background.

NEA'S STOMACH (normal speaking voice): Gurgle Gurgle

NEA uses the computer for a while

NEA'S STOMACH (normal speaking voice): Gurgle Gurgle

NEA uses the computer for a while

NEA'S STOMACH (loudly): GURGLE GURGLE

NEA uses the computer for a while

NEA'S STOMACH (loudly and insistently): GURGLE! GURGLE!

NEA runs out of the scene, looking concerned


SCENE 3: The bathroom

NEA runs in.

NEA'S STOMACH does something really unpleasant and stinky.

NEA swears.

THE END


So anyway, soy allergy or not, it appears that something in processed foods isn't exactly going to be part of this balanced breakfast for me any time soon. I still strongly suspect soy.

I see a gastrointestinologist on June 9th. I hope they have some theories.

I hate being me.

I'm totally undecided on whether to try to make my traditional birthday cake or not this year. It typically involves both soy and eggs, and I really don't have time to make it twice if I fuck the first one up, so I don't really want to substitute a bunch of stuff. Bleh.

Perhaps I will serve the cake right before the guests go home. That might be a good compromise.

I hate my body so much.
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