Did you guys see STID yet? How’d that go for you? I don’t think we’ll do a whole fashion post on the costumes in the movie (though I loved those jackets with the clear triangles so you could see the color of the uniform underneath), but I did want to point out one thing I thought was really well-done in terms of costume design: in the scene where Scotty is out of uniform, he’s wearing this outfit that isn’t exactly from the 1970s, but is most certainly inspired by the 1970s. We’re meant to understand that Scotty, while he may be a wonderful engineer, is not really a fashion plate and is wearing something out-of-date. It looks retro-in-a-bad-way to us here in 2013, especially when contrasted with the other people in the scene (who all look cool). Keep an eye out for that if you haven’t seen it yet!
Now on to the real post: readers Karl (who sent us a delightful screenshot of a grumpy Picard brother) and Sara (who tweets about Star Trek A LOT) both mentioned this episode to us in the recent past. The Enterprise is hanging out near Earth, so some family visits are in order. Picard is heading down to France in a faux wrap shirt:
We’ve seen JLP rock this silhouette before, in Captain’s Holiday, but this time we’ve got a nice print instead of the knife pleats we saw there. Sadly, this shirt is the color of old oatmeal, but you can’t win ‘em all. The sleeves also look like they could hide a magnum of wine:
Forte comme le taureau
It’s like a mini-kimono had a baby with a sack of potatoes. And yet somehow I like it.
Here he is proving to Troi that he is feeling good after his Borgventure (this episode immediately follows The Best of Both Worlds).
In addition to Picard’s little getaway, which we’ll get back to momentarily, Worf is dealing with family issues in the form of a surprise visit from his adoptive parents, the Rozhenkos:
In Russia, parents adopt YOU - wait
Worf’s human parents (who found him abandoned after a battle one time) are both played by actors who were involved in musicals that majorly affected my childhood: Georgia Brown was the original Nancy Sykes in Oliver! and Theodore Bikel played the Hungarian prince in the movie version of My Fair Lady.
Additionally, they are both wearing outfits that I am pretty sure were available at Lands’ End in the early 90s. Helena is rocking a jersey dress at a length I usually call Maximum Frump, and Sergey is wearing a colorblocked open blazer over a classic crewneck tee. Seriously, I am pretty sure this dress was all up in that catalog:
The shoulderpads are removable, but would you want to?
I will say that that purple and blue combo is great and looks great on her. She is adhering, however, to the Deanna Troi school of dress-over-pants, or possible shants (shoe-pants):
A column of purple makes you look taller, right? Not like a grape popsicle? Right?
I’m not mad at her, though, because she makes great faces:
Watch out, we got a badass here
Sergey’s blazer/cardigan is actually kind of cool when you see it close up:
His beard, however, does not stand up to scrutiny
It’s a suede/herringbone situation that, while brown, is pretty rockin’. A grandpa sweater meets a cool professor blazer type deal. Maybe it’s because he’s burly, but I think he’s pulling it off okay. A lesser man might be lost in there.
Also in the Worf storyline: a strange sculpture and/or punching bag:
Punching bag tree! Christmas tree! Weird sex chair!
To be fair to that sculpture, I assume lots of things are a weird sex chair.
Meanwhile, on Earf, Picard is strolling down a country lane:
Country roads, take me home
His pants, it seems, are as voluminous as his shirt. This episode aired in 1990. Know what else came out in 1990? This. Coincidence? I THINK NOT.
Soon, Picard is accosted by a ragamuffin:
If this child looks familiar to you, it may be because you’ve seen the episode Rascals, in which this same little scamp played a young Picard. But this isn’t some kind of time-travel shenanigan: in this episode, young Mr. Birkin is portraying JLP’s nephew Rene. He is additionally portraying a child version of one of The Monkees. DAT HAIR!!
It appears that he’s wearing suspenders, but I actually think it’s a jumpsuit with trompe l’oeil suspenders installed. Ah, the convenience of a jumpsuit with the cool fashion trend of suspenders. Great combo.
Rene brings his “nephew” (what he calls Picard initially and then a running gag) to his mother, Picard’s SIL Marie:
Big hair is BACK and BIGGER THAN EVER
Sometimes I wonder if big hair will ever truly be trendy again. There’s been a lot of sleekening as of late. Curly-haired girls are less likely now to straighten their hair than a few years ago, but straight-haired young women aren’t getting perms (with the exception of my friend MaryAnne, who is so far ahead of any trend that we’ll all catch up with her in like 10 years). So maybe I answered my own question: MaryAnne has predicted our future. See you in 2025 with a perm.
Anyway, this lady’s hair looks super-90s and her dress kind of does too:
Mother of the Bride realness
The combination of the color, the chiffon, the strange waistline and finally, the hem length:
This season, EVERYTHING is mint, yes, even your shoes
…all these factors combine to make Marie look not like a vineyard wife in the 24th century, but more like that lady your mom is friends with from church, but only because she makes those good coconut bars. She’s kind of a bitch otherwise.
We’ve also got a shoes-matching-tights happening again. Bev and D-Train do it in the infamous Dance Stretching scene and Fake Dr. Leah Brahms does it in Booby Trap. I’m sure it’s happened other times, but those two are my favorites.
Picard is also using the gym bag Charlie wanted real bad when he wrote about Liaisons. We also see Data using the same bag in a second season episode, so I think it’s a) safe to say these are standard Starfleet issue gym bags and b) time for me to find one and buy it.
Picard wanders out to the grape fields (technical term) to find his brobro Robert:
Robert makes wine and HATES TECHNOLOGY. However, his Diane Keaton hat is pretty sweet.
You can tell Robert doesn’t trust modern conveniences because he believes you need both a belt AND suspenders to make sure these newfangled “pants” stay up:
I liked it better when we all wore fur loincloths
Even dude’s house is REAL old-timey. Like, it would be old-timey NOW:
PHSAW ON YOUR MODERN CONVENIENCES
I don’t really believe that this guy wouldn’t even have a REPLICATOR. Like, think about e-mail addresses. Not everyone has one (this is a true fact), but it’s common enough that if you met someone who was like “I don’t have e-mail” you would probably be surprised. Or electricity - think about how you might react to someone not having electricity (on purpose, not because their service got cut off or something). Replicator technology is about 100 years old at this point, let’s say (they had food synthesizers on TOS). For Robert to be like “NOPE” is, at this point, sort of silly and old-fashioned. He’s one of those guys who lives in a geodesic dome heated by a wood stove and recycles his pee to drink, basically. No judgment on that - you do you - but I fucking love electricity, man.
In any event, that bread looks goooooooood.
The next day, JLP meets up with an old friend of his in the grape fields:
They’re called “Hammer pants”
Employing much the same look as yesterday, JLP is sporting an evergreen silky top with some bizarrely-pleated jodhpur/hammer pants. His friend is rocking a cowl neck:
Can we get Jonathan Pryce? No? Okay
The frequent use of a cowl neck on men is one actual gender-neutral clothing piece that I think works on this show. The skant was a bridge too far, but I think that even though the cowl neck is pretty solidly in “lady” territory here in 2013, it usually looks believable on the men of TNG.
Doesn’t this color look nice on him?
Oh, Not-Jonathan, it feels good to laugh
Meanwhile, on the Enterprise, Worf is acting like a sullen teen and being embarrassed by his parents, so Guinan advises him:
Standard Guinan Outfit #376
It’s a jewel tone. It’s got more fabric than it needs to have. There are inexplicable layers. It’s long-sleeved. And of course:
It’s a Guinan outfit. It’s the equivalent of Taylor Swift wearing a boring-ass neutral gown to an awards show, or Helena Bonham Carter wearing something plaid and bananas.
Back on Earf, Marie is wearing a toddler’s outfit:
Dora the Exploreur
This would be fine in any other color scheme. But I am pretty sure this dress, or jumper and shirt, came with a Barbie DVD. Swap out the lilac for a bright green, maybe? Or the pink for a deep blue? It also needs a belt, but let’s deal with the palette first. Marie is keeping up the shoe/tights trend, though:
The color is called Bubblegum, based on an ancient substance chewed by teens
Picard and his bro get into a tussle in the grape field, and this ends up happening:
MUD RASSLIN, FRANCH STYLE
My understanding of brother relationships is that there is frequently wrestling. I am a woman with mostly sisters, so I don’t know how true that is, but sometimes I think my sisters and I could really have worked some shit out via wrestling. Also maybe it could have been in the mud and we could have sold tickets. Look, I’m just monetizing an opportunity.
The bros get all muddy:
Yes, we are adult men
And Marie is like “OH YOU BOYS”
Wives: easy to shock
And then it’s time for JLP to go back up in space. Rene says goodbye while wearing a shirt that is somehow a wrap AND a mock turtleneck simultaneously:
I will allow it, but begrudingly
Robert hugs his little brother while wearing a delightful scarf:
Brothers don’t shake hands, brothers gotta hug
And off Captain Picard goes, with a new understanding of his relationship with his brother. Very sweet. (Worf also learned some things on the ship.)
Oh ps the whole time there was this dumb C plot about Dr. Crusher’s dead husband where she had, like, a memory tackle box:
Wesley got a holo-letter from his dead dad, whose jacket looks all wrong. No collar?!